too much thinking time

I have been displaced for a week now and I'm almost losing my mind. I can't seem to get comfortable in my own skin, nothing seems right, I can't access my dark chocolate layer. I don't feel at home. I used to think that people were my home, my relationships were what kept me stable. I thought I had learned to maintain stability on my own, giving to those around me through laughter, love, and the other. This very well may be the case, but this time away has been rough. We used to be close, we were able to share everthing, do anything, and we clicked on almost every level. She was the dominant one in high school, I was after graduation, and the field is switching again. I wonder how our relationship will change once she has her child, when she becomes a mother.

Change.

Last night, as I began to fall asleep, I thought about all the ways I've changed in the last five years, the things I've done, and all the things I want to do. (I've always thought those five year plans were kind of silly because my goals change as I do). I was frightened by myself. When people hear what I've been through in my short life, what I've done, the accomplishments, torments and what not, they are usually taken back. Last night I was. I couldn't help but wonder what I'll think late at night when I near the final days of my life. I think I'll have to supress the moments of looking back just for the sake of not being overwhelmed. I know I'm going to do much more, accomplish great things, and change many times over. It's an overwhelming thought to think of all the experiences that lie ahead. I'm not sure what my point is, but I guess it may be whatever faults and regrets I have at the moment will be resurected in the future.

Change.

Am I embracing all the changes that life brings and will continue to bring, or am I avoiding stability?