old timer

it's been two years since my last post. not cool. since then, i've moved across state lines... twice. got married. had a baby. went back to school. wow. it's been an eventful two years to say the least, and I only vaguely feel bad that I haven't publicly written. although, i'm not sure this blog is entirely public.

now that it's summer, I have a lot of time on my hands, once the baby is asleep. i now have plenty of time to sit and think about my somewhat misplaced identity in self.

i stopped painting.

this is something that pains me. I want to get the colors flowing again, to feel brush against canvas. alas, there now a real sacrifice i have to make for my work. i watched half of the documentary about Alice Neel today, and I found myself in agony that she was able to persist as a painter, through hardships of crumpled relationships, poverty, and single-parenting. she painted, whether she could afford to or not, whether she had the time to or not, the money, or the market. she painted. it was an extension of her being.

i have lost that part of myself.

from time to time, it peeks it's head from beneath the folds of motherhood and daily life. i see it emerge like a dormant hermit crab, looking for the next place to blossom. this shell has dried and tarnished.

i must persist.