My first self portrait in this project turned out to be a work in acrylic. Although my mouth is disproportionate to the rest of my face, I accomplished something I admire in other portrait paintings: using blue hues to provide shadows. The colors are quite striking to my eyes. The interesting thing is, I hate it. Ha ha ha. There's something so discomforting about looking at myself. I hung the painting above my desk in the main room, in a place where I'm forced to notice it everyday. I'm hoping to figure out why I hate looking at myself.
My second self portrait is a headless, pencil drawing. I tried to use simple lines and shading, and I'm actually more pleased with this portrait. There's something about mutilating my body image that I find strangely relaxing. It's almost as if I'm telling myself, "It could be worse."
I want more. Originally, I set out to complete three self portraits. I didn't want to overwhelm myself with a daunting, lofty goal. But, I'm two-thirds done with my goal, and I haven't come any closer to sanctity within myself. So, I'm planning on doing more. I'm not sure why, but there's a tension within myself I need to solve. It's further in than just a low self image, further away from the solution of better diet and exercise. And I've got a long way to go before I figure it out.
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