Vessel

Today I finished reading Julie & Julia. LOL. I never thought I'd read a "movie book". But yes, I have fallen in my sister's footsteps and read through a book made into a movie and re-published after the movie, and I fully intend on seeing the motion picture. The book made me laugh hysterically and actually inspired me to cook more, and experiment. The book has made me rethink my own blogging universe in a way I hadn't thought about in a while.

I used to have a purpose here. LOL. And I still do, but I originally created this space to blurb about my creative journey and artwork. I know, I know... I AM doing that, but I use this space as a journal more or less. My blog entertains me, gives me something to do on Monday afternoons. There hasn't been much creative energy swirling around, nor pictures of recent work or work in progress, mainly because I'm not working on anything. Not even in my head. I'm bone dry.

In my defense I have been overloaded with work, the stress of moving, money, and an up-and-coming wedding. Ok, those are all my excuses, anyway, and I'm loaded with them. I remind myself of these things when I feel badly about ignoring the creative side of me (and she is a large lady... not easily ignorable). But I'm out of fuel! I got nothin'. My life is full of the ordinary right now, the mundane, the double shifts, messy apartment, and family drama, all capable of consuming any one's life. But, I'm supposed to be stronger, to struggle against these things, to make my work more meaningful, to myself or otherwise, because I painted anyway. What happened to my fire? Anyone got a light?

So I want to start a health journal.

Part of this idea may have been inspired subconsciously through the Julie & Julia book, or maybe by my efforts to be healthier. I have been mesmerized by those keeping meticulous records of things. In the Julie & Julia book, Julie made time everyday to let her project consume her, and she documented everything very well. Other artists' work I have witnessed over the last few years, has been focused on a few precise things and I have found myself encompassed in the thought: How did they do that for a whole year? Everyday?

I'm going to try to include things like activities I did during the day, like my new Khama Sutra dancing, things I ate, how my body felt throughout the day, and commentary on my self image- which should be the most interesting of the experiment. Maybe it's not all that interesting, but I think it could be. I wonder how I would change throughout a year, what kinds of health patterns I'll go through, and seeing my body image on paper will be quite a sight.

Now, I'm not a health nut or anything, nor do I want to be. I just want to be healthy in body, mind, and spirit. I'm pretty good and keeping my mind and spirit in shape, but my body?! Eh. So this is a self experiment to see what happens, how I change, and the end results of consciously keeping track of how I treat my body, to remind me to respect my body: as a vessel for my spirit and my mind.

wedding schmedding.

Today: no green tea. Ick. Instead an iced coffee with cream and splenda (because I can't quite get myself to drink coffee without some sweetness).

On Sunday I went to the Bridal Expo in Brookfield, WI. Holy shit. I knew brides were conniving and ravenous, but I had never actually scene it in person. Brad and I squeezed our way through the crowds, bumping purses of every shape and size, pulling his mother and sister along for the ride. And what a ride it was. All I took away from the experience were a few good ideas, and a deeper awareness of how empty my pockets are.

I just can't believe this is how Brides to be spend their time, money, and energy for a year or more before getting married. Is it really necessary?! NO!!!

Brad and I repeatedly looked at one another with a kind of terror you could see no where else but at a Bride-to-be convention. Sheer horror.

So I'm off to plan my wedding like an indie music artist. Cutting every cost corner I can, and eliminating every not-so-important item. Some would call these "budget-cuts," however, I call them, "why-the-hell-do-we-need-THAT-cuts."

I recently talked with my mother who reminding me, (and will have to continue to remind me), the true meaning of marriage and a wedding. So after many, and many more to come, debates, Brad and I are trying to get our wedding ideas down to the core. Strip it down to what it really is, and celebrate the people who will be there, and the experiences we all have to come.

Wish me luck.

Wha Hauhbinned?!

It's been such a terribly long time since I last blogged. Now, there's no real place for blame here, however, I will say I have felt a large pit of guilt in my stomach. It's not that I fear the disappointment of my readers, I'm pretty sure my mom is the only one who reads here, it's my Self I have neglected. So I walked my happy ass across the street today, from my apartment to the divine coffee shop that no one seems to have discovered.

On the path of self-repair, drinking green tea.

Yesterday I bought "Dance of the Kama Sutra with Hemalayaa" on DVD from Barnes & Noble. Isn't Kama Sutra all about those awkward and impossible sexual positions (Barbie couldn't even accomplish)? That's what I thought before this enlightenment in the workout section of the DVD's. By the way, everyone avoids this section like the plague unless the coast is clear, though my shameful perusing was inevitably interrupted by the tall, dark and handsome sales clerk asking if I needed any help... with my Kama Sutra DVD. The EFR in me replied, "Well, are you flexible?" His facial reaction proved my theory: I am not alone in thinking Kama Sutra was purely about sexual positions. Totally worth it.

So, I took my DVD home, changed into some comfy, workout clothes, and flailed around on my new apartment floors. I suppose the more often I do this "workout" I could, potentially, LOOK sexy while doing it, but for now... I look like a raw, Thanksgiving turkey squirming out of grandma's hands while she tries to make it into something delectable.

My goal, with this new venture into workout DVD's, my bitter green tea, and new passion for fresh fruit and veggies, is for my betterment of my Self. Since I moved away from Lincoln, I have been thrown into new paths of Self destruction, trying to avoid the potholes along the way. I'm re-defining myself in this new place, new family, and new job (while planning a wedding). I looked forward to this opportunity a mere three months ago, and it's already proven to be much more than I expected: It's fucking hard!