I'm been grinding my teeth lately. I think it's because there are heavy thoughts resting between my head and my pillow making it impossible to sleep soundlessly. The
resonating rifling of teeth clatter hasn't really mulled out the issues at play, therefore: BLOG.
(Hi Grandma!)
As most of my readers my already know, I am planning on relocating (for the sake of anonymity) "out of town". On to the big city! I've been planning my get-away for almost two years now. I ran out of cash when I started my big adventure at SAIC in Chicago, IL, but the city's teeth left scars on my flesh. I've felt the urge to return, this time overcoming the obstacles and creating my legacy, and conquering the big city.
A beautiful dream of the ambitious and naive I suppose.
The Great Plan was drafted and the economy began to fall taking with it hopes, best wishes, and good lucks. I find myself battling loved ones in pursuit of my emprise. For this I apologize.
Tooth to tooth, questions and concerns and motions of heed are prodding at my dreams.
Are dreams just dreams?
Are fear and realities the true guidelines of motion forward? Am I in the position to only grasp at the strands of change? Or am I a martyr subconsciously yearning to fail? But what is true success without the risk of failure? And what is really at risk here?
I could fail. I may be unable to find a job, a place to live. If things worsen I may not be able to pay my bills or purchase groceries. In the extreme, I may become homeless and be a concoction of debt and civil suits. I'll become unwashed, dressed in rags, skin and bones, filled with regret, and meandering the city starving for sympathy.
All my life (a young one, I know) I've lived by the "what if's?" and I've come to a conclusion. I have to believe in myself. I am in charge of my experiences despite all obstacles from foreign parties outside of myself.
I know you're worried. Have faith and hope. Encourage me. This is what I want, what I need. This will change my life for the better and in the best of ways. Watch me grow and learn, watch me succeed in spite of the odds. I can do this.
Have some iced tea, look at picture books and know love.
(ps. none of the images used in this post are my own. They were peeled off the interweb from other sources.)
