Re-invention

I always feel as though I'm waiting for my life to change, to move on. Now I feel the changes whirling in, things are heading in a new direction, and I'm perplexed. I will be moving soon, to a new place, a new town, a new state. I made a comment to my mother earlier today about looking forward to re-inventing myself. At the moment I made the statement, I was disillusioned by the romantic ideal of moving away and becoming a new version of myself. Inevitably, this happens with every turn life takes, but I began to think more about it on my way home. I'm starting to take my art to a new level, beginning to establish connections in the art world, and it finally hit me: I'm a painter. I know, it must be strange to hear, but I think I've been in denial about my talent, and where it will take me, for quite some time. I'd say it's easy to do in a town like Lincoln, where "making it" isn't really an option. Soon I'll be introducing myself to people, making new friends, and I think I'll have to be more direct when this happens. Here, if I run around telling everyone that I paint, it might sound silly, like a Saturday afternoon hobby of mine. In a larger city, it's necessary to be loud about your talent and your ambitions, the louder you are, the more will hear. I'm going to have to grasp the magnitude of my own capabilities and believe in myself to advertise my talent as a professional artist worth investing in. It's a little nerve rattling.

It's True

I think I'm afraid of my talent. My mother has made this observation to me, and now I finally believe her. What brought all of this on? My boyfriend's mother is an artist, and she took a look at my work. While talking with one of her friends she felt inspired enough to share my work with her. Her friend happens to be a gallery owner and established artist. I had goosebumps when I realized she was really looking at my work. The heebiejeebies. What if someone sees my work and calls wanting to show it? It would feel like winning the lottery, a dream come true. What's more frightening? This is the life I want. I want to be in galleries, talking with other artists, and sharing my work- and it's starting. AAAaaaaaaHHhhhHh!!!